How to Fake a Hot Looking Body

If only a day at the beach were as carefree and simple as it sounded. As it happens, few of us are blessed with a gene pool that allows us to don a pair of swim trunks and some flip-flops without adequate preparation. Behind every paperback novel and oversize pair of sunglasses is a predatory gay/bi male gaze taking in your every move. He's sizing up everything from your follicles to your toenails (and everything that’s left exposed in between), so it’s in your best interest to be perfectly groomed.

Pre-beach prepping involves many things. Among them: pre-tanning pasty skin and accentuating your abs. As luck would have it, the fabled body beautiful is within reach of mere mortals thanks to some rather nifty grooming products. Here’s our quick-fix guide to faking a beach body.
 
Pre-Tan

It is always wise to combat pastiness before you hit the beach. Not only will a base tan save you the humiliation of being mistaken for the Pillsbury Doughboy, but a crafty bit of coloring can help enhance muscle contours, making you look slimmer and more ripped. Tanning by the bottle isn’t as easy as just slapping the stuff on, so here are four foolproof tips:

1. In order to get an even tan — whether by sun or by bottle — you’ll need to make sure the skin cuticle is flat and smooth. That means using a good body exfoliator. A personal favorite is Origins For Men’s super-coarse Skin Diver® Active Charcoal body scrub ($31.37 for 200ml from Amazon.com), made from dead sea salts and organic brown sugar. It works like sandpaper on the skin (but feels like you’re getting licked by kittens, naturally).

2. Moisturize any dry bits including knees, elbows, wrists, ankles, feet and hands to make sure the tan sets evenly. And don’t forget the top of the hairline: If the tan doesn’t spread evenly across your forehead (or even cuts off at the neckline), consider yourself officially busted.

3. Apply desired self-tanning product. A spray is ideal for guys as it pushes through body hair so you get an even tan. If you opt for a cream or liquid tan, like James Read’s natural (and not-at-all-George-Hamilton-colored) Gradual Tan for Body ($32 for 200 ml from Net-A-Porter.com), then use quick, long strokes until every inch of your body is covered. Ideally, use a mitt to apply the product using a flicking action. Remember that less is more, not least because tanning products usually take hours to kick in. The glaring pastiness of hard-to-reach areas is a telltale sign of a novice faker, so make sure you cover every nook and cranny.

4. Shower off the next morning to wash off any residue and to reveal a fantastic, natural tan. Top up on moisturizer every day to maintain the color and add more depth. After about three days, lightly buff your body to ensure the tan begins to fade evenly. Tip: James Read says, “If you need to shave after you’ve tanned, then use an electric shaver. Wet shaving will only strip the tan straight off.”

Get Ripped

What do you mean you haven’t spent the entire rainy season doing crunches in preparation for the two-week period you intend to go shirtless? If you happen to be a person with more pressing commitments than the gym, then you’ll need to overhaul that mid-section as quickly and as efficiently as possible. There’s no dodging exercise, but there are several body-boosting products that can make the most of your pre-beach gym blitz.

Top of the list is Lab Series’ Ab Rescue Body Sculpting Gel ($30 for 6.7oz). This sculpting gel, made from a tautening mix of creatine, caffeine and soy protein, stretches the skin around your midsection to make abdominals appear more pronounced. Slather it on after a hardcore ab workout to make the most of minutes spent in side plank. Granted, it’s unlikely to magically transform a beer gut into a rippling six-pack overnight, but it’s a good place to start.

If your midsection needs more work, then consider taking thermogenics (a wide variety of brands are available from GNC.com), preferably containing green tea, in order to speed up your metabolism. Use them in conjunction with a decent CLA formula, and you can pack on muscle while shedding those winter love handles.

If you need a quick fix, then heed the advice of tan guru James Read, who suggests doubling up on the fake tan to accentuate abs. Apply a single coat and leave it on for 8 to 12 hours. The next day, mix his Gradual Tan product (from Net-A-Porter.com) with a moisturizer, stand in front of the mirror and flex like a champ. Go over the areas where muscles are distinctly visible — abs and biceps, for example — to create a slight shadow. “ The first treatment gives an all-over base tan color, then the second treatment is used to shade specific areas and define body contours, including the abs,” he says.

Tip: If you’ve built up a lot of muscle (or lost weight) in the run-up to your summer vacation, use Strivectin’s SD Sensitive Intensive Concentrate For Stretch Marks ($41 for 2oz from Amazon.com), an intensive formula to help repair scarring caused by repeatedly stretching the skin.

Manscape

While we openly champion the hirsute gentleman, that doesn’t mean it’s OK to sport a wolverine rug on the back (or front) of your torso.

Trim excessive body hair to a more beach-friendly length, but be aware of the risks. If you’re not concealing some kind of muscular definition underneath all that growth, then a freshly shorn body can come as a bit of a rude surprise. Best go about the job gradually with a body trimmer than go completely hairless in one fell swoop. Philips Norelco’s Bodygroom Shaver ($51.50 from Amazon.com), with its adjustable comb settings, should provide a hassle-free trim. Rather than begin shearing at grade 1, start with a longer setting before decreasing the grade until you reach the desired length.

For guys with dense chest rugs, shaving with a face razor really isn’t a practical alternative to waxing or trimming, as it leaves a blunt edge to the hair, which will usher in some itchy — really itchy — regrowth within days. Moreover, shaving rather than trimming, will leave the skin more prone to irritation from chafing or sun exposure, not to mention pesky ingrown hairs.
A trimmed chest will also look tidier and you’re less likely to suffer.

If you do have a body to put on display, then just get the stuff taken off completely. Many salons now specialize in men’s waxing and, contrary to the urban myths spread by women, the process isn’t that painful. If you can withstand regular self-inflicted pain at the gym, you can handle hot wax. A little tip: If you’re going to wax, trim or shave before you hit the beach, make sure you give your skin at least 24 hours to recover before exposing yourself to sunshine or sweaty, er, watersports. You’ll be more prone to irritation and end up with a lot of redness for the rest of your vacation if you’re not careful. 

reblogged from AskMen

P.S. Most of the products mentioned in this article are available from e-Bay or Amazon.  You can also google their local counterparts if you're not sure you will be able to order them before you hit the beach.