A Gay Guy's Journey to Ridding Himself of his Grindr Addiction

I’m a child of the millennium. Thank my baby Jesus smart phones and YouTube came out after I graduated college, otherwise I’d have the IQ of a stuffed turkey. When I set off to start my life as a young adult, I got a little more than I bargained for. The hunt for sex became a part of my daily routine not because I was a “sex addict” (or so I told myself), but because it was so available it soon replaced reading, planning, watching TV, and all the other things a man does when he’s bored.

Mind you, not all gay guys enter this phase. At first, hookup apps like Grindr were purely entertainment, a means to pass the minutes by. In my early-twenties my smart phone was “buhdlooping” all the time. Another man bit the bait. It was fun. But after months and months of it, it began to offset my priorities.

Fast forward two years later, Grindr ruled my life. It was the first thing I’d check in the morning. I’d sneak away at work to check my messages in the bathroom. I’d always be looking for an excuse to take new selfies – sending nude picture became no big deal. I was getting laid more times a week than a Hawaiian airport. My focus was only on sex, and eventually my life mirrored it.

Sex was an every other day, sometimes daily, occurrence. Though many guys might not see anything wrong with this, it was only the beginning towards a deeper soil. I was trapped in an emotional and physical habit. As soon as the sex was over, I was checking my Grindr again for the next encounter. I was like a wild animal continuously hunting for prey. The hunt held me back from all aspects of my life. It never stopped.
It was the hunt which became my whole reason for living. Wake up, hunt, work, hunt, eat, hunt, gym, hunt, hunt, sleep was the routine that ran my life for three years. Through it all I never considered myself an addict. Sex addicts went to sex parties, sex addicts had unprotected sex, sex addicts got off three, four, five times a day. All the excuses became, yet, another excuse of my own denial.

Needless to say, it was just a matter of time before the hunt stopped all productivity towards my goals. The career I had planned, the life I wanted, and the friends I was trying to keep were all slowly disappearing because of my own need for sex. It was my own doing – not Grindr’s, not the internets, nor online sites.

The habit tricked me into thinking I needed sex to be satisfied or content with myself. It acted as fuel for my self-worth. Without it, I wasn’t desirable, attractive, or sexual. The head count of men I slept with became blurry dots in my memory bleeding together in one giant fog. All were unrecognizable, and none were anything else except a body.

It was on my 25^th birthday I decided to throw away my hookup apps. The habit eventually broke after two or three weeks of finding my self-esteem through other means. For many guys in the LGBT community, hookup apps can be a touchy subject. Many of them never become as addicted as I was, but there are still plenty that do.

Now that I have my man, I’ve realized what I was searching for all those years were intimacy and emotional connection. Had I been grinding away still, I might never have met the man of my dreams.


Grindr is like fast food. It’s not that bad for you once in a while, but the more it becomes a part of your life it will eventually become an addiction. One that overpowers your judgment and desensitizes your perspective of what sex is. It’s different for everyone because our addiction gene varies from person to person. But if there’s one thing I know for sure it’s that too much of a good thing will quickly overstay its welcome.

reblogged from gayguys.com

How to Give a Mind-Shattering Blow Job

Mastering the ability to give a mind-shattering blow job is a skill that requires first-hand knowledge, experience and practice, lots of it. Whatever role you play in bed - top, bottom, or versa, giving a good head is important in making sure the person you're having sex with has the time of his life. Done correctly, a good blowjob can even elevate the relationship from one-time, big-time sex orgy, into a regular sex buddy, or if you're lucky, a full-blown relationship.

Before you get too ahead of yourself and start thinking about long-term commitment, mastering the ancient art of blow job is easy if you start with the basics.

Take Control

The best blow job requires that you, the giver is comfortable in giving it in the first place. If you think you're not ready, or simply feel that you're not up to the dirty deed, then don't force yourself. The experience won't feel good and you'd end up disappointing yourself and the person you're giving the head to.

Blow jobs have to be exploratory, fun and enjoyable. If you really want master it, you have to take control. Do what you think feels good. Most guys would grab your head and push you down their dick so hard you'd gag and this is a no, no! Remove his hands off your head, look him in the eye and whisper "Stay still, I've got this."

Don't Rush

Nothing ruins the moment than a blow job that's done swiftly and unceremoniously. Once you go down on the guy, you have to commit yourself to it and this means you'd have to take it slowly but surely. Let your lips and tongue linger. Talk dirty if you have to and when you move to a different area of his tool, look at his face and see if he is enjoying it. If he doesn't look like he loves it, turn it up a notch and ask if there's anything he want you to do or a specific area he wants you to focus on.

Take it an inch at a time

The deeper, the better may be the case in porn, but not so in real life.  Forcing every single inch in takes the fun out of the moment. To simulate deep throating, you want to use some combination of your mouth, tongue and hands. Start with a tight grip on the base of his shaft and then wrap your mouth just a bit below the frenulum (the place where the head of the penis connects to the shaft) so your lips meet your fist, and move your mouth and hand in a rhythmic motion. Always let him know what you don’t like when you’re going down on him, whether it be holding your head or thrusting strongly.

Lick it Good

Licking his penis like you’re licking an ice cream cone is a guy-pleaser for a reason: Not only does a regular rhythm help get him even more worked up, but it gives you a chance to get into a groove. Creating a steady rhythm to build and sustain excitement. 

Break for intermission

If your mouth or jaw is feeling achy, take a few moments to kiss or caress his thighs or slurp on his balls.  Continue manual stimulation by running your hand up and down his shaft while exploring the rest of his family jewel. This will give your jaw a rest and gives you a chance to check in with your partner and see how you’re both doing.

Go for the Grand Finale

Cap off your performance and give him an experience he’ll never forget by lightly tugging on his testicles right before he’s about to climax. The skin here super-thin and packed with nerve endings, enough to send shivers down his spine and a message to his brain that will push him to the edge of ecstasy.  

Now, as previously mentioned, you won't get everything right the first time so practice, practice, practice so the next time you get invited to one of our O parties, you will be the one hot guys will line up for a good blow. Best of luck! 

How to Fake a Hot Looking Body

If only a day at the beach were as carefree and simple as it sounded. As it happens, few of us are blessed with a gene pool that allows us to don a pair of swim trunks and some flip-flops without adequate preparation. Behind every paperback novel and oversize pair of sunglasses is a predatory gay/bi male gaze taking in your every move. He's sizing up everything from your follicles to your toenails (and everything that’s left exposed in between), so it’s in your best interest to be perfectly groomed.

Pre-beach prepping involves many things. Among them: pre-tanning pasty skin and accentuating your abs. As luck would have it, the fabled body beautiful is within reach of mere mortals thanks to some rather nifty grooming products. Here’s our quick-fix guide to faking a beach body.
 
Pre-Tan

It is always wise to combat pastiness before you hit the beach. Not only will a base tan save you the humiliation of being mistaken for the Pillsbury Doughboy, but a crafty bit of coloring can help enhance muscle contours, making you look slimmer and more ripped. Tanning by the bottle isn’t as easy as just slapping the stuff on, so here are four foolproof tips:

1. In order to get an even tan — whether by sun or by bottle — you’ll need to make sure the skin cuticle is flat and smooth. That means using a good body exfoliator. A personal favorite is Origins For Men’s super-coarse Skin Diver® Active Charcoal body scrub ($31.37 for 200ml from Amazon.com), made from dead sea salts and organic brown sugar. It works like sandpaper on the skin (but feels like you’re getting licked by kittens, naturally).

2. Moisturize any dry bits including knees, elbows, wrists, ankles, feet and hands to make sure the tan sets evenly. And don’t forget the top of the hairline: If the tan doesn’t spread evenly across your forehead (or even cuts off at the neckline), consider yourself officially busted.

3. Apply desired self-tanning product. A spray is ideal for guys as it pushes through body hair so you get an even tan. If you opt for a cream or liquid tan, like James Read’s natural (and not-at-all-George-Hamilton-colored) Gradual Tan for Body ($32 for 200 ml from Net-A-Porter.com), then use quick, long strokes until every inch of your body is covered. Ideally, use a mitt to apply the product using a flicking action. Remember that less is more, not least because tanning products usually take hours to kick in. The glaring pastiness of hard-to-reach areas is a telltale sign of a novice faker, so make sure you cover every nook and cranny.

4. Shower off the next morning to wash off any residue and to reveal a fantastic, natural tan. Top up on moisturizer every day to maintain the color and add more depth. After about three days, lightly buff your body to ensure the tan begins to fade evenly. Tip: James Read says, “If you need to shave after you’ve tanned, then use an electric shaver. Wet shaving will only strip the tan straight off.”

Get Ripped

What do you mean you haven’t spent the entire rainy season doing crunches in preparation for the two-week period you intend to go shirtless? If you happen to be a person with more pressing commitments than the gym, then you’ll need to overhaul that mid-section as quickly and as efficiently as possible. There’s no dodging exercise, but there are several body-boosting products that can make the most of your pre-beach gym blitz.

Top of the list is Lab Series’ Ab Rescue Body Sculpting Gel ($30 for 6.7oz). This sculpting gel, made from a tautening mix of creatine, caffeine and soy protein, stretches the skin around your midsection to make abdominals appear more pronounced. Slather it on after a hardcore ab workout to make the most of minutes spent in side plank. Granted, it’s unlikely to magically transform a beer gut into a rippling six-pack overnight, but it’s a good place to start.

If your midsection needs more work, then consider taking thermogenics (a wide variety of brands are available from GNC.com), preferably containing green tea, in order to speed up your metabolism. Use them in conjunction with a decent CLA formula, and you can pack on muscle while shedding those winter love handles.

If you need a quick fix, then heed the advice of tan guru James Read, who suggests doubling up on the fake tan to accentuate abs. Apply a single coat and leave it on for 8 to 12 hours. The next day, mix his Gradual Tan product (from Net-A-Porter.com) with a moisturizer, stand in front of the mirror and flex like a champ. Go over the areas where muscles are distinctly visible — abs and biceps, for example — to create a slight shadow. “ The first treatment gives an all-over base tan color, then the second treatment is used to shade specific areas and define body contours, including the abs,” he says.

Tip: If you’ve built up a lot of muscle (or lost weight) in the run-up to your summer vacation, use Strivectin’s SD Sensitive Intensive Concentrate For Stretch Marks ($41 for 2oz from Amazon.com), an intensive formula to help repair scarring caused by repeatedly stretching the skin.

Manscape

While we openly champion the hirsute gentleman, that doesn’t mean it’s OK to sport a wolverine rug on the back (or front) of your torso.

Trim excessive body hair to a more beach-friendly length, but be aware of the risks. If you’re not concealing some kind of muscular definition underneath all that growth, then a freshly shorn body can come as a bit of a rude surprise. Best go about the job gradually with a body trimmer than go completely hairless in one fell swoop. Philips Norelco’s Bodygroom Shaver ($51.50 from Amazon.com), with its adjustable comb settings, should provide a hassle-free trim. Rather than begin shearing at grade 1, start with a longer setting before decreasing the grade until you reach the desired length.

For guys with dense chest rugs, shaving with a face razor really isn’t a practical alternative to waxing or trimming, as it leaves a blunt edge to the hair, which will usher in some itchy — really itchy — regrowth within days. Moreover, shaving rather than trimming, will leave the skin more prone to irritation from chafing or sun exposure, not to mention pesky ingrown hairs.
A trimmed chest will also look tidier and you’re less likely to suffer.

If you do have a body to put on display, then just get the stuff taken off completely. Many salons now specialize in men’s waxing and, contrary to the urban myths spread by women, the process isn’t that painful. If you can withstand regular self-inflicted pain at the gym, you can handle hot wax. A little tip: If you’re going to wax, trim or shave before you hit the beach, make sure you give your skin at least 24 hours to recover before exposing yourself to sunshine or sweaty, er, watersports. You’ll be more prone to irritation and end up with a lot of redness for the rest of your vacation if you’re not careful. 

reblogged from AskMen

P.S. Most of the products mentioned in this article are available from e-Bay or Amazon.  You can also google their local counterparts if you're not sure you will be able to order them before you hit the beach.

What To Wear Under Your Board Shorts

If you have it, flaunt it

Summer in the Philippines (or technically, dry season) is definitely one of the most popular part of the year.  It's that time when majority of the pink community hit the beach (Boracay and Puerto Galera come to mind) to see and be seen.   While there is nothing wrong with wearing your trusty, skimpy swim trunks, more and more guys are slowly trading theirs for printed board shorts. 

Whatever your reasons are for doing so, the question of whether you should wear something underneath has yet to be answered.  This blog will address that all-important question and guide you into choosing an option you're more comfortable with. And YES, board shorts should be worn as is, with nothing under the garment.  If you're not too sold with the idea, consider the following: 

look good, feel good

Option 1 - Traditional and Bare 

Some sportswear designers have begun to line the inside of their board shorts with a mesh liner, to provide support similar to a traditional swim short and address complaints from swimmers or fashion-conscious beach goers who do not surf. Surfers and non-surfers alike, however, feel that this type of liner causes irritating friction and will tear it out if they choose to purchase a lined board short. 

Option 2 - Boxer Shorts or Boxer Briefs 

You can choose to ignore tradition and wear boxer shorts or boxer briefs under your board shorts, an alternative for those who use board shorts as swimwear or for casual beach wear. You can also purchase a board short-style swimsuit, which has a mesh liner on the inside, similar to what's discussed above.

Option 3 - Lycra Shorts

briefs look sexy but they don't belong to the beach

Avid surfers or those with more sensitive skin sometimes complain of discomfort or rashes that develop while surfing only with board shorts on. The most popular alternative is to purchase Lycra/spandex shorts and wear them under board shorts or wet suits. The skin-tight Lycra shorts are designed to lock out sand and keep in warmth.

Now, if wearing board shorts to the beach is not an option you'd like to consider, at least have the decency to wear legitimate swim trunks/briefs.  Underwear does not count, even if they're printed and colorful.  While you're more likely attract attention to yourself wearing one, it's just tacky and terribly inappropriate.  If you want to look and feel sexy, go get yourself a real Speedo.

The Newbie Guide to O Parties

Orgy parties, often stylized into O Parties are exactly what the name suggests, it's a party for people or groups of people to have willing sex with complete strangers.  While this scenario does not paint a great picture (of course, depending on which part of the fence you're standing), this type of party is not entirely new in the Philippines.  This kind of party happens and if you're one of the select few invited to attend one, knowing what to expect during the event will help prepare you for what's to come, to have fun, and just enjoy the party.

Remember, nobody wants a spoil sport so before you walk into the venue, decide first if it's something you'd be comfortable doing. Yes, there will be SEX, lots of it.  The sooner you accept that fact, the more you'd appreciate the invite.  

Now that we have that out of the way, here are some guidelines when attending an O party:

1.  Know What You're Getting Into

As previously discussed, it’s important that you're clear about what's going to happen once you walk inside that door.  Most O parties would require you to strip (unceremoniously, mind you) as soon as you're ushered in.  O party organizers will normally fill you in with the details as soon as you're attendance is confirmed, but in case they do, feel free to ask.  Don't be afraid to ask questions if it helps you weigh your options carefully. Once you have the information you need, ask yourself if it's something you're open/excited to doing.  Your answer will determine if you're ready to get into the action, or hold-off for the moment.

2.  Set your Expectations and Limitations

Top, bottom, or versa, whatever your preferred sexual role is, make sure you communicate this to the event host.  If you say you're a top, be a top, if you declared you’re bottom, be ready to get fucked, and if you say you're versa, then be ready to give IT and be at the receiving end of IT.  Don't decide until the last minute as you'll end up ruining the coupling established/expected for the night.

This is also the best time for you to lay down your limitations.  This may sound like a contradiction because everyone expects you to stick to the role you agreed to, but if it's something important to you, speak up.  If you're told that they won't be able to guarantee your limitations won't be breached, then don't go, it's that simple.

Once you're in the venue and as soon as the party starts, you will become fair game.  Depending on your pre-arranged role, people can just kneel down in front of you or stick their cocks inside your hole so make sure you have no problem holding your end of the bargain.  If you don't think you can't, then O parties may not be for you.

3.  Don't Let your Guard Down

Alcohol or drugs can cloud your judgment and make you agree on things you won't otherwise allow yourself doing.  If you know you get drunk easily or pass out after just a single sniff or snort, then forget about drinking or taking drugs.  Unless you have somebody you can trust your life with coming with you, then you're liable for your own safety.  Don't put yourself in a situation where you will be powerless to protect yourself (example: getting fucked by everyone while being videotaped). Whatever you do, always keep your wits with you.

4.  Be Safe

In a time when the reality of contacting HIV and AIDS is looming, you really don't have any choice about this matter.  Bring your own supplies (condoms/lubes/etc.) and that's even after being told by organizers that they'll be providing supplies.  

5.  If the Going Gets Rough, Leave!

Most O parties end without any untoward incident happening but in case something does come up, leave.  There are a lot of reasons when you'll have to consider taking this option but the general rule is, when you start feeling that things are going downhill, don't wait till it worsens.  Politely talk to the organizer, ask for your clothes back and exit as fast as you can.  Of course, this does not happen always but when it does, don't think twice about taking the option.

At the end of the day, no one's forcing you to join an O party if you don't want to.  The experience can be polarizing but there's no denying it's something worth trying, even just once.  These guidelines are by all means, not an end-all, be-all.  They're very basic things you need to know and consider before confirming your attendance.